Pilot Reports

[Coddy]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet; which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

 

 

 

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (P) and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (E).

 

 

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 

E: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

 

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 

 

P: IFF inoperative.

 

E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

 

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

 

E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

 

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 

E: Evidence removed.

 

 

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

 

E: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

 

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 

E: Live bugs on back-order.

 

 

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 

E: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

 

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

 

E: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

 

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

 

E: Cat installed.

 

 

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 

E: That's what they're for.

 

 

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

 

E: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

 

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

 

E: Took hammer away from midget.

 

 

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 

E: Suspect you're right.

 

 

 

P: Target radar hums.

 

E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

 

You can tell I havn't been fishing

 

Coddy

 

[TomBettle]

Brilliant!

Made me giggle al te way back to bed.

[Bob F]

hee, hee, hee...