Allsorts

[Steve S]

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic, the husband more of a no-nonsense sort of a bloke...

One afternoon, the wife went out to meet a friend for tea at a cafe. While waiting, she decided
to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your  smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet,  please advise."

 

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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

 

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Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down-under.'

 

 

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.

 

 

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

 

 

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...