Subject: Nicola Sturgeon was on her campaign trail again and touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Nicola in her usual charming manner says to the chauffeur ‘You get out and check – you were driving!
The chauffeur gets out, checks and tells her that the animal was dead.
‘You were driving; so you had better go and tell the farmer,’ says Nicola
Five hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
‘My goodness what happened to you?’ Asks Nicola
The chauffeur replies: ‘When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap up meal and the daughter made love to me.’
‘What on earth did you say?’ asks Nicola
Not much really….. I knocked on the door, and when it was answered I said……..’I’m Nicola Sturgeon’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the cow!