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Paul D
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You might be a fisherman if...

 

 

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.

2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.

3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".

4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.

5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.

6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".

7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.

8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.

9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.

10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.

11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.

12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.

13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.

14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.

15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.

16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

 

 

does this sound like any of you biggrin.giflaugh.gif

 

tight lines sam

 

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Two morons go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. 1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish. 2nd moron: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot. 1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

 

 

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A man wakes up at the crack of dawn to go duck hunting.

He gets to his blind just before sunrise and settles in. Over the trees comes a perfect wedge.

BOOM!

He takes out the lead duck and watches as it falls from the sky, bouncing off of a barn,

hitting the fence and landing in the yard of the near bye farm.

The hunter sees no activity at the farm house and decides

no one will even notice if he quickly retrieves his trophy.

Just as he lays his hand on the duck he hears a shotgun rack a round in the chamber.

He looks up to hear the farmer ask "what ye' doin' boa' ?"

Hunter "gettin ma duck thar."

farmer "reckon thats my duck nao boa, hit mah bern, mah fen' dat ders' mah duck."

The hunter of course not one to quit attempts to argue. This gets him nowhere.

Farmer " I reckon they ain't but one way ta' settle dis un' , da country way boa'.

I kick you in da groin, you kick me in da groin n' whoeva lef stannin keepin' da duck."

The hunter has no choice and agrees.

Farmer "Ima goin first."

The farmer leaps off the porch at a dead sprint and kicks the

hunter with all he's worth right in the jewels.

The hunter spasms to the ground gasping for air,

it takes him 30 + minutes to regain composure and attempt to stand.

Hobbling the hunter says " guessin is' mah turn"

Farmer " Ah you keep dat ol' duck boa."

 

 

i love this joke biggrin.gif

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It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with

her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labor, she called "911."

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight

high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed,

and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"

 

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