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As I grow older


Brian
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Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life. I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
   
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband
 
Lance Armstrong -- I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved:  winning 7 Tour de France races while on  drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
 
Drive By -- Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote.  Now they drive by and change the channels. Sick bastards!!!
 
The Agony of Aging -- On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.   I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
 
Video Scam -- Just got scammed out of £25.  Bought Tiger Woods' DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf.  Absolute waste of money!   Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
 

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