Duncan F (bathclaret)

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear, 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

As Paul says, 2 weeks is pretty average. The Post Office acts as collection agent for HMRC and will (eventually) leave you a slip saying you have a package with underpaid postage on it at your Sorting Office. Calculating the duty due is crazy because there's a pretty random list of different types of goods, all of which attract duty at different rates, as a percentage of the value of the goods. The stinger is that Royal Mail impose a fee for "assessing" (delaying) your package of, I think,

THE WEDDING TEST I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is: . . . . Always keep your condoms in your car.

Hi Ewen, I've had an H20 for a few months now, as a back-up unit for my fixed plotter, which also came with the NauticPath chart. That works really well because the plotter is also a Lowrance, so swapping the marks data file between both (via SD card) and my PC is very easy. Getting the SD card in and out is slightly fiddly - it sits behind the batteries - but no real problem. You can run an H20 via a 12v lead or batteries, expect to use most of a pair of AA batteries in a busy day's fishing. The screen is clear and bright and no problem at all with fixing position. Running the 2 devices at the same time, the "Arrival alarm" goes off on both within a split second. For a small unit it's very rugged too. Apart from the luxury of a backup in case of failure of the main plotter, the H20 is also useful to take with you if you go on a charter trip, to "see where you are" Overall, a well recommended unit.

I'd love to fish Saturday because both my crew have had their fishing passes suspended this weekend. Happy to either crew or bring "Claret and Blue" across if there are others interested. But with a 20mph SW and heavy rain forecast for Lymington I suspect we might be struggling. Duncan

When I picked up a new boat from the Warrior factory a couple of months ago I discussed polishing with Phil Byrom. Phil's opinion was to not use any type of mechanical polisher as they're all too harsh. Instead he said get some "Mer" polish, which just wipes on and off with a cloth. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear because it sounded like hard work and I'd only just bought probably the same big buffer from Halfords as you did. But I did as I was told and the results were very impressive. Best of all it went on and off again with hardly any effort. I know my aim was sealing/coating new GRP rather than restoring it, but worth a try nonetheless. Hope this helps, Duncan

Sorry Paul, I confused matters by even mentioning tripping. I use cable ties for both jobs on my Bruce anchor. First a couple of ties to fasten the head of the anchor up the chain to allow tripping as you described. But then also another tie through the small hole in the shackle pin, around the shackle, just to stop the pin unscrewing. The guy at Piplers said this was easier than using wire and you can also see if it's wearing. He suggested a galvanised anchor shackle in preference to a stainless one, to stop any electrolytic effect from the 2 different metals, but that might be taking things a bit far ? Hope this clears things up - on the bright side an anchor's cheaper than losing the rope and chain! Best wishes, Duncan

"Look - they told me these new engines work by INJECTION !!" or "As the large Bull galloped up the jetty, seasickness was the least of Martin's worries..." Duncan

Paul, I'm interested in why this happened. I was advised (by Piplers) to wrap a cable tie through the shackle hole to prevent it from coming undone - rather than wire. Did you have any type of fastening on there? Earlier in the day we got the anchor snagged at the ledges but fortunately I had it rigged to trip and the plastic ties used for that gave way as they should & it came out nicely backwards. Best wishes, Duncan

Paul and I didn

The Admiralty Tidal Stream Atlas shows streams by the hour for 6hrs bfore and after HW. The reference number for the general Poole/Solent areas is NP337. Costs about

Paul Miell and I will be out on Claret & Blue, weather permitting. Duncan F.

Flippin heck Adam - out of interest I did go searching for the tale of your adventure at Kimmeridge. Really glad I did - learned some very valuable info I hope I'll never need! Duncan

Thanks chaps - exactly what I needed to know. The 4x4 towcar is no problem (XC90). Forecast this w/e is for North Easterlies, which is one of the reasons I thought of Kimmeridge as it should have a bit of shelter, although I guess we're all waiting on how strong they'll be. Thanks again for the advice, Duncan

Does anybody have any advice about using the slip at Kimmeridge? For those of us coming from the (North) west it looks like the closest launching point to pick up some bream off the ledges and/or Chapman's pool areas. But someone told me the launch area can be a bit iffy due to rocks. Thoughts please on whether this is a good idea... Thanks Duncan

Old Sailors An old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages the services of a "local girl" and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?? ' The girl replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots ' 'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean??' She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.

Thanks all for your welcome and advice. The 175 is coming as a package with a 90hp Honda engine, plus I added a 5hp auxiliary. All the electronics will be factory fit - Lowrance X510C F/F, Lowrance Global Map 5200c plotter & chart. and an ICOM DSC/VHF radio. A second battery is being fitted too. One nice thing about the Honda engine package was the "freebie" of a RYA Level 2 P/B course for up to 4 people. Off on hols for a week now and picking up the boat as soon as we get back -can't wait!

Thanks Dave - and another too for the info on your web site. That was really helpful in getting things sorted for the new boat. Meet up next time, Duncan

Well Gents, this is just a