Steve S

2nd Weekend in May 1. Alfresco, Charlie plus crew tbc 2. AWOL - Martin + crew already sorted 3. Wight Magic Dave +crew already sorted 4. Kingfisher - Chris + Chris A 5. Tigerfish - Steve, crew tbc

MY SATNAV I have a little Satnav I've had it all my life It's better than the normal ones My Satnav is my wife It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five" It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice It fills me up with counselling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the bugger off! Going a little stir crazy here! Happy New Year Everyone

Just logged on in a happy mellow mood and then saw this, so sorry about it Nigel, I can only image how you must be feeling. I agree with the comments, unlikely it's the actual bilge pump by itself, need to find out the cause for future piece of mind. Many ideas already posted, here's some others. The boat taking on a lean for some reason (large log against the hull) and then water coming though what is normally an outlet hole more than the bilge pump can cope with or because of the lean not where the pump can pump it out. A sea water cooling pipe failure to the pump, siphon action then does the rest. This happens on a Volvo D4/D6, I've seen it, more water than a bilge pump can cope with. Somewhat less likely the main drive rubber gasket on the leg can also fail, this often just trashes the drive but if not spotted/felt the water can get past the drive seal, whether this can let water into the boat depends on the design of the engine. I was told it was a risk on an old Mercruiser I had. Regarding the idiot who decided to turn over the engine, if it was still turning over when he stopped you may well have got away with hydraulicing the whole thing. Most marine engines like to do this type of engine recovery job, there is basically a procedure to it. Good luck with the insurers. Steve

At a bar ... A beautiful girl at the bar having already downed a few power drinks, turns around, faces a guy next to her, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen here, good looking. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on; it doesn't matter to me. I just love it!" Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding, I'm in banking too! Which one are you with?" Happy Christmas!

1, Kingfisher 2, Fisheagle 3, Slice of Life 4, Awol 5. Reflections 2 6. The Grinch 7.Wishin Too 8 Freeboys 9. Yelo 10. Tiddler 11. Mistress 12. JoJo 13. MegaByte 14. Wight Magic 15 Sweet Pea 16. Tigerfish I like the comp, provides year round interest.

I use one, a Jabasco PAR-MAX 3 it has an auto cut off. It works pretty well, it appears to be an original fit when the boat was first commissioned in 2006. I did remove the rust and repaint it last year just after I got the boat, but otherwise it's been trouble free. Steve

I agree with you Charlie, I think all we can hope for is this 'momentum' if you can call it that continues and more MCZs are announced in the future. Continuing to push for that will certainly help, since MPs appear to be motivated by anything that they think will help get re-elected.

Seems like just 'Poole Rocks' in our area, next nearest is Chesil Beach and Stennis Ledges

In a private hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.' He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch... Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labelled ATR.. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. 'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

Oh ok, Neal I didn't know that, I didn't spot that rule in the competition rules posted here http://www.pbsbac.co.uk/ipb/topic/9439-pbsbac-club-competition-rules/ and it's the first club competition I've entered I just assumed it was for club boats and those people listed on the boat. Steve

Cod 18lb 8oz to Alan Mapes on Tigerfish. Only counting fish on the day, we had so many snakes of all sizes that we moved off one mark just to get away from them! They must have followed us around as we had loads from the next mark too but it did yield one good cod. Lots of big Pout to just under 2lb too, no Whiting which was a bit of suprise. One of Matts friends asked for a conger to eat, we selected one of 35lb or so to present them with , I don't think they will ever ask for another... Great day out really, action all day. Err apologies to Alan, the fish weighed 18-8 not 16-8 as I had entered, the text on the photo was correct. Steve

1) Court Jester - Neal Alfie, Stuie 2) Kingfisher, Chris, Jim (Tiddler) & Stu (Non member) 3) Fisheagle - Allan, Dave (Coddy). Have a spare space if anyone would like to join us. 4) Serenity Tony,Rich and John. 5) Alfresco Charlie, Will and hopefully Dan, have a space if anyone would like to join us 6) Hobit plus 1 non member ( staying in the harbour as first time out with new engine ! ) 7) AWOL Martin & Dean 8) Wight Magic Dave ,Ben , Craig , Barney 9) Joint Venture.... Adam, Alun + Rob 10)Tarka V-Gordon and one Non Member. 11) Wishin Too-Nigel + TB 12) Tigerfish Steve, Alan (non member), Matt (non member) 13) yelo Jacob, Mick, Kev. Lucky for some 14) Valton Malcolm,Tony

Barking.... The shipping lanes will be interesting, those boys can be shifting and don't generally alter course too much. AIS to see who coming down the line and call them up using DSC, an alarm going off on the bridge is needed to get their attention. Good luck lads that will be some achievement.

1) Court Jester - Neal Alfie, Stuie 2) Kingfisher, Chris, Jim (Tiddler) & Stu (Non member) 3) Fisheagle - Allan, Dave (Coddy). Have a spare space if anyone would like to join us. 4) Serenity Tony,Rich and John. 5) Alfresco Charlie, Will and hopefully Dan, have a space if anyone would like to join us 6) Hobit plus 1 non member ( staying in the harbour as first time out with new engine ! ) 7) AWOL Martin & Dean 8) Wight Magic Dave ,Ben , Craig , Barney 9) Joint Venture.... Adam, Alun + Rob 10)Tarka V-Gordon and one Non Member. 11) Wishin Too-Nigel + TB 12) Tigerfish Steve, Alan (non member), + ? added Tigerfish back in - simultaneous edit problem

1) Court Jester - Neal Alfie, Stuie 2) Kingfisher, Chris, Jim (Tiddler) & Stu (Non member) 3) Fisheagle - Allan, Dave (Coddy). Have a spare space if anyone would like to join us. 4) Serenity Tony,Rich and John. 5) Alfresco Charlie, Will and hopefully Dan, have a space if anyone would like to join us 6) Hobit plus 1 non member ( staying in the harbour as first time out with new engine ! ) 7) AWOL Martin & Dean 8) Wight Magic Dave ,Ben , Craig , Barney 9) Gastronaught...Alun + Rob 10)Tarka V-Gordon and one Non Member. 11) Wishin Too-Nigel + TB 12) Tigerfish Steve, Alan (non member), + ?

Sea was a bit bumpy at the car park and the approach, I wouldn't have fancied it in some of our smaller boat till the afternoon. Seems like fishing from yaks does not give you sea legs as both Lofty and Brian were 'unwell', just after I made them drinks..., Brian stuck it out with a rod in his hand but we didn't see a lot of Lofty as you could see from his previously posted self portrait he retreated to the aft cabin close to the facilities... Fishing wise a pretty good day, 2 sea pigs approx 12 (Steve) and 8 (Brian), a decent bull huss just under 10, my first ever , pout and LSDs of course. A steady stream of snakes to Alan's rod, until I caught one at the last. Alan was using a spoon on the line, the only difference we could figure. Once the tide died at the end of the flood we got among the Channels on baited hokai's, many were takers. Bodes well for the next few months, if we get a another season on the Whiting like last year it will be brilliant. With the light fading we called it a day with the Channels still biting. Lofty reappeared from his sleep to discover if you leave your bait out long enough you catch a starfish, can I add it to the boat species list???, it's from the sea it's got fish in it's name . The boys did great a great job of cleaning down, thanks guys, it was fun but maybe not for Steve...

Sounds more like Shark than Skate from the run.

We are leaving leaving Beaulieu around 8:30, heading for the car park or surrounding areas. If it's bad the Solent looms. See some of you out there hopefully. Steve

A couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason." Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "Beth, I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?" Beth said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?" Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Beth asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge." "I do recall that," says Charley. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." "All right," Beth said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your yacht club, and you needed 43 more votes?"

1) Court Jester plus crew TBA (on each and every day possible!) 2) Kingfisher, Chris, Jim Davies, Stuart. 3) AWOL Martin + Jon 4) Fisheagle plus Allan, Dave (Coddy) and Jan T. 5) Serenity , will need crew any volunteers , Tony + Rich 6) Wight Magic crew tba 7) fillet up crew tba 8) Manta Ray Tomo, Paul D, Nigel,Mal, Charlie C, Dan C, Sam C,PJ.. + non member Mr Shaky Artois.... Tubby. 9) Joint Venture, crew tbc 10) Yelo, Kev Jacob Mick. Weather permitting 11) Tigerfish, Steve, Alan, Lofty, Brian

CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU DIE ........ Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless. And so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is Today! A lady died this last September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, And then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00. A family member rang MBNA: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my grandmother died in September.' MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and charges still Apply..' Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your collections section.' MBNA: ‘Since it is two months over due, it already has been.' Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' MBNA: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Department or report her to The Credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be upset with her?' MBNA: 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part about her Being dead?' MBNA: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm phoning to tell you, she died in September.' MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still Apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' MBNA: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her grandson' MBNA: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?' Family Member: 'No problem..' (fax number is given ) After they get the fax: MBNA: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do To help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you sort it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.' MBNA: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?' MBNA: 'That would help.' Family Member: ' Plot 1049.' Heaton Cemetery , Heaton Road , Newcastle upon Tyne MBNA: 'But, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

Easy to belive once I got down to the Solent to put a chain on my swinging mooring. Wind is really strong already, the boats are swinging violently all over the place, got concerned my inflatable dinghy might flip against the wind so waited for a lull before returning. Think it going to be quite a night. Steve