Idiots

[Maverick Martin]

> Number One Idiot.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control centre.  Today, this woman called in
very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.  She calmed down and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.  I told her
that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Number Two Idiot.
 

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.  They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home.  Shortly after
they  took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming toward them.  It turned out that the chopper was
homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft
was inflated.  They are no longer employed at Boeing.
 

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Number Three Idiot.
 

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your money in this bag".
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,  he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.  So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.  After waiting a
few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller.  She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest  light in the harbour, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America.  Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.  He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of  America.
           
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Number Four Idiot.
 

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40.  Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.  He immediately
mailed in his $40.
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Number Five Idiot.
 

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put
the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the
bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21".  The robber said  he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave
it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was
in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber then
ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license.  They arrested the guy two hours later.
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Idiot Number Six
 

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.  The first one shouted, "Nobody move!".  When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him. 
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Idiot Number Seven
 

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious.  Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Idiot Number Eight.
 

I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new
neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.  The reason: "Too many
deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good
place for them to be crossing anymore".
           
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

            Stay Alert!  They walk among us ... they Reproduce ...
they also Vote ... and more than a few of them hold public office!

[Jim]

Fantastic !