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The Missing Wife The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers. "We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers. "Tell me...did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked. The Mounties looked at each other. Then one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?" The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Sold, Donation will be made as required!!!!

Rugby tickets England v Ireland March 17 St Patrick’s Day Twickenham This may be of interest to one of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Ireland 17th Mar. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at Marylebone Registry Office, at 4.30pm. The bride's name is Nicole -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.

Three contractors are asked to bid to refurbish the fence at 10 Downing Street. One contractor is from Birmingham, another is from Liverpool, and the third is from London. All three meet with a civil servant in Downing Street. The Brummie contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures and says, "I figure the job will run about £900. £400 for materials, £400 for my crew, and £100 profit for me." The Scouse contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says. "I can do this job for £700. £300 for materials, £200 for my crew, and £200 profit for me." The bloke from London doesn't bother to do any measuring or calculations; he just leans over to the civil servant and whispers, "I'll do it for £2,700" The civil servant is understandably incredulous, and says, "You didn't even measure like the others ! How did you come up with such a high estimate ?" The London bloke whispers back, "£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Liverpool to do the job." "Done!" replies the civil servant. *Now do you see how Carillion went under, leaving the taxpayer with the bills ?*

A sailor and a pirate are in a bar recounting their adventures at sea. Seeing the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the sailor asks: “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies: “We were caught in a huge storm and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as me crew were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off.” “Blimey!” said the sailor . “And how’d you get the hook?” “Arrrr…”, mused the old salt, “I got into a fight over a woman in a bar, and me hand got chopped off.” “Blimey!” remarked the sailor. “And how about the eye patch?” “Oh that,” said the pirate, looking embarrassed. A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye.” “You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the questioner asked incredulously. “Well…” said the old sea dog, ” it was me first day with the hook.”

Two sailors are talking: Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.” Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.” Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”

I worry that Brian reacted to this one😂😂😂😂