Maverick Martin

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. You know you're going to send this one on. Don't mess with us oldies!

That was worse than mine ................just Martin

He has see members chit chat

Sorry to hear that Allan hope you get better pdq Martin

Never mind Tony if your lonely we can go together Martin

Bob if you are responding to my post you will not find any response anywhere on here from me supporting either camp. All are entitled to their views and those views should be respected and treated in the manner you would expect to be treated. If everyone posted in that light the world would be a more pleasant place as would our club forum. Views in this club are no different than any other club/section of anglers, just as diverse as you would expect. If you want a one sided view go back to your forum where most registered user joined because their views were similar to yours hence the very one sided viewpoint there. In 7 years I have only banned one person from our site and removed around 4 posts out of 10 million so we are very tolerant of all opinions I just ask that others are as tolerant which as an side keeps my job simple. Martin

Bob Don't be so bloody condescending the councillors are not our pals and if you had half a brain you would choose to think through your posts before spouting off and getting peoples back up. Some views on here may not conform with your views but all are entitled to those views without being ridiculed. You and your .org are not seen in a good light when you talk at people like that and I for one don't want ignorant people representing me. If you can't contribute in a grown up and pleasant manner then go and spout your dribble on your own forum. A very pi55ed off Martin Oh and yes the red wine has kicked in....thankfully Martin

Uuuuummmmm thanks Alun Martin

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag. 'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, Come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor 'Your mother must have been a carrier'

I have here "The Sea Anglers Step By Step Bait And Rigs" book compiled by Sea Angler. It's in near new condition and you are welcome to have it for your lad foc Martin

This is why the squirrels are busy ....... hard weather coming in and of course they are playing with their................we'll leave it there where's me rod Martin

Beware Internet fishing forums could contain nuts!!!! Martin

Happy birthday Rob, hope you have a good day Martin

Both threads now merged

What's the tipple for major repairs Nigel? more red wine

Any prospective crew member for "Awol" will need to have a back in good repair and be fitted with a bouncy chair and bendy knees to ease re-entry.......apparently Martin

"Awol" could take another out if someone needs a ride Martin

Our club comp format will be as usual, start at 8am weigh in at 4pm the only change will be the weigh in is to be held at lake pier. Reason for this is that club gear ie scales etc will be at this venue. Club Kayakers can enter the open comp and also weigh in their fish for the club comp Hope that clarifies the matter but if there are any more questions please fire away Martin

All loaded up into your post Martin

Brilliant fishing Email your pictures to info@mjburt.co.uk and I'll put them up Martin

I have found another boat so have reduced the asking price for AWOL to £26,000 ono Martin

Where's wally

Many happy returns John Martin

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... Every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree." "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? " "Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees . . . Ees . . . Ees . . . Ees . . . Ees a ham bush...."