Short Love Story

[Coddy]

A SHORT LOVE STORY

 

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

 

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, .......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

 

I'm awfully cold.'

 

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

 

'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

 

'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f**king blanket.'

 

After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.

 

The End

[Simon]

I like it

[Graham Nash]

A Kentucky State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.

 

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

 

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

 

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

 

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'

 

The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'

 

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

 

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And her, what is she doing?'

 

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

 

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ... And nothing obscene is happening!

 

The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

 

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

 

The trooper asks: 'And her .... what's her age?'

 

 

The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes...... '

[Jim]

couldn't happen over here.

 

They get pregnant in time to get a council house and guaranteed income on their 16th Birthday.

 

But it's O.K - - - - -Us tax payers have paid for it.

 

 

Jim

[Graham Nash]

you cynic Jim

[petesnr]

They would not get a council house in Bournemouth as there are virtually none, there are more than 7000 people on the housing register and unless they have priority needs (which does not necessarily incude being a single parent) they do not stand a chance of getting a council or housing association property.

In private rented accommodation the housing benefit rules mean that for most people the rents are too high for them to be able to work and pay the rent as housing benefit reduces as soon as earnings start.

The problems in this area are low wages and high rents.

If you are fortunate enough to be able to live comfortably in this area please don't throw too many stones--it could be your turn next.

 

PeteSnr

[Graham Nash]

Peter, My son works for me and his good lady is a trainee manageress at a local hotel (they both earn reasonable wages for the area). They have a toddler and pay almost the whole of her wages in childcare.

 

Their rent for a 2 bedroom privately rented flat is overstretching them and they have been threatened with eviction immediately after Christmas. Almost without exception, his mates (who have kids) have no jobs and have council (or housing authority) properties fully paid for by us (and him) the tax payer. Some have even "seperated" just so that she & the kids can get housed and then he moves back in with her!!!

 

It is a ridiculous situation that my son (and many like him) would probably be better off not working and allowing the rest of us to finance them!

[pirky]

World gone mad since the 70's .....and we keep foreign families and immigrants better than we keep our own.

Needs some RADICAL housekeeping at Government level but I fear the rot is so deeply set that it will take a brave new government and a few decades of pain to get it back on track.

Makes you wonder where it will all end up !!

Hope ur boy gets sorted Graham.

 

Hope they have a great Xmas and New Yearl

 

Dave

[Jim]

Due to divorce etc.

I was Jobless, homeless and penniless at the age of 40.

I know many people who have, and probably never will work ( My own Daughter included )

 

I was only jesting ( sort of ), But there are millions of scroungers in this country all paid for by the Tax Payers.

 

( Have I started a little rant session to keep us warm through this cold snap ) ?

 

 

Jim

 

 

[Jim]

Oh yes and another thing.

 

When you go to work to provide for your self or family, you have self respect.

How can you have that if you can't be bothered to get up in the morning ? ? ?

 

 

Jim

[niggle]

Bah Humbug

[bassncodformeplease]

 

 

I agree!!!!!!!!!!

[petesnr]

i am certainly not supporting those who make a deliberate decision to live off benefits but the reality is that the media hype has made this out to be the case for the majority who are on benefits which in my experience is not the case. In the case of those struggling to work and pay rent etc. it might be worth them enquiring if they are entitled to any help from housing benefit, that they check with HMRC that they receive all Child Tax and Working Tax credits--these have to be applied for and are not automatically paid--these entitlements significantly increase income.

Whilst understanding the constraints of employers it is obviously a nonsense to have a minimum wage that does not allow someone prepared to work to escape the benefit trap. Incidentally those who do not have quite a stringently tested disability (not like in the past) will be on Job Seekers Allowance and will be asked to produce evidence fortnightly that they have followed up three job leads. New regs are that after a year on Job Seekers allowance housing benefit will be reduced by 10% as an incentive to get people back to work.

If you know of cases where partners have moved back in after lone parents have gained tenancies and are on benefits then unless they have reported the change they may be committing benefit fraud and/or be in breach of tenancy (should be joint claim for Income Support or Job Seekers allowance)--suggest you report them to DWP.

Incidentally those foreigners who are not from certain EU countries are not entitled to lone parent benefits unless they are genuine refugees or have been granted asylum.

PeteSnr

[Rob]

 

I think that getting back in to work or just in to work is hard if you have been off work for years.

 

Best thing I think we could do is make them earn their benefits - 3 job leads is all well but what to do for the rest of the week? Pick up litter, clear snow and ice, cut hedges, help out the post office etc etc.

 

Free handouts are a drug and any payment needs to be earned.

 

 

[Maverick Martin]

I have four boys two of whom have partners with children (Yes Jim I'm that old lol)

Both families are house owners but struggle to keep their heads above water indeed they may even be better off allowing the state to care for them. They are also tax payers and what really annoys me is that hard working young families like these are forced to help pay for others that can't be bothered to at least try.

 

I have nothing against the state (us) helping those that have fallen on hard times however how someone that has never worked even though fit and able can have an easier life than those that at least try beggars belief

 

I could go on but won't as this is supposed to be the joke section, although sometimes social care appears to be just that..a joke

 

Martin

[petesnr]

Couldn't agree more as long as it allows people to have a decent standard of living and not be looked down on for doing community type tasks.

Trouble is that the coalition has just axed funding for services so is unlikely to finance the infrastructure necessary to get people working on this type of basis.

There's a dilemma here isn't there? Do you spend money on benefits or on public job creation? The coalition is cutting both options very suddenly so I can foresee that the situation will only get worse in the short and medium term. The private sector are not filling the gap in jobs for a variety of reasons including the lack of lending by banks, natural caution in a recession and most importantly this is just a dream of politicians that this can happen overnight.

The victims in this will be those who are willing to work, claiming benefits which they are entitled to and have financed through paying tax in the past and then finding there are a lack of proper jobs (i.e. fulltime, decently paid opportunites). If you take the opposition to benefits too far you end up with an underclass who are forced to beg borrow or steal just to survive and the rest of us will be looking over our shoulders all the time--a situation I personally do not relish.

 

PeteSnr

[Graham Nash]

it is a balancing act Peter.

 

Unfortunately as with every business (apart from the last Government) the books have to balance.

 

As Dave said earlier it will take a brave Government and years of pain to get ius back on track. Yet every time the coilition make a cut they get masses of demonstrators saying it is the wrong cut. Some do gooders have even complained that housing benefit is going to be capped (at a level above what some people earn)!!

 

If my business is losing money (as it did for a while during the earlier part of the recession) I have to make decisions that may be to the detriment of a few but to the benefit of the majority.

[petesnr]

It's the mistake that a lot of people have made simply comparing the government finances to a business and it is the argument that underpins the governments philosophy on cuts.

If we all earned enough we could pay for services that we require such as health as and when we need them. Unfortunately macro-economic models used by governments rely on a lowpaid workforce to generate maximum profits and a percentage of people unemployed to create the incentive to work. The welfare state provides services through taxation and there is no doubt that services and benefits provided have hugely outstripped the tax revenues. The coalition not only want to reduce the deficit but also get to a system where central and local government do less and people select and pay for services provided more and more by private concerns--this is basic Conservative dogma. They could choose to raise revenues by increasing taxation not on hard pressed small business entrepreneurs but on banks and large conglomerates. They are not willing to do this as many ministers have connections to banks and businesses. So what do they do? They target services and benefits and who suffers? Not the millionaires club from Eton but you and I the ordinary people who actually benefit from public services, tax credits etc. To have swept the country along with the idea that we are all in this together is deceit on a massive scale. There is no doubt that there are serious flaws in the way that the benefits system is run but our economy and the wellbeing of society depend on the driving forces of cheap labour and some unemployment. A benefit safety net is essential to protect the genuine unemployed and the vulnerable. Full employment is not an option as it would fuel inflation. There is no simple answer but governments do not have to balance the books overnight--certainly not before they have created a situation where job opportunites are available to those laid off from public services.

I know that the high profile cases of excessive benefits to certain families make the headlines but for the vast majority of claimants it is a struggle to get by, maintain dignity in the face of media hype and adapt to the meagre job opportunities and pay on offer in this area.

[Graham Nash]

Ha Ha Pete.... you sound just like my old father in law (and that is a good thing) .... we are obviously on different sides of the political spectrum and I am sure we could discuss this till the cows come home (and maybe we will one day) but for now I will wish you and everyone else on here a wonderful Christmas and a prosperous and healthy 2011.

 

I am off to see my "other family" in another part of the country, well away from computers and phones so till the 28th i will bid you all MERRY CHRISTMAS

Edited December 24, 2010 by Graham Nash

[petesnr]

Peace joy and goodwill to all men --employed or not!

[fisherman1055]

Bugger me

 

this looks like politics

 

thats why I go boating to avoid all this craziness

 

last year these people used to keep me in a job

 

this year it is their parents

 

Anyway

 

Merry Xmas and a good new year to all club members

 

Tony