johnnyb. Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 A blind man walked into a pub with a yorkshire terrier, the barman said "sorry mate no dog allowed only guide dogs, the man said "this is my guide dog" the barman said "that not a guide dog, guide dogs are usually Labradors" the man said "WELL WHAT HAVE THEY GIVEN ME THEN" . A skeleton walked into pub and said pint of lager please and a mop and bucket. Anymore man walks into a pub jokes please Quote
niggle Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 No Some bacon and eggs go in a pub barman says sorry we don't serve breakfast Two blondes walk into a bar.....you'd think one of them would of seen it Quote
johnnyb. Posted May 22, 2011 Author Report Posted May 22, 2011 A white horse walked into a pub and the barman said"hey we got a whisky named after you and the horse said "what Eric" Seems like me and you Nige are the only jokers....... Quote
Brian Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 A blind man walked into a pub, ordered a pint and said "do you want to hear a blonde joke. The barman sais I should warn you, I'm blonde, the bouncer is blonde and so is the guy sat next to you, do you still want to tell the joke? The blind man said "not likely, I'm not explaining it three times". Quote
Jim Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 Bloke goes into a pub, sees two " crackers ". He orders a pint and sends a bottle of Chamagne to the Girlies. The barman says " don't waste your time and money mate ! They're a couple of Lesbians. That's O.K. says the man. He drinks his pint, gets another and does his best " suave walk " over to them , Sits down and says - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - Hi girls, Which part of Lesbia do you come from then ? ? ? Quote
Jim Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 Bloke goes into a pub, orders a pint and the barman hands him a free tray of nuts. The man sits at a table and takes a drink of his ale. He hears a voice say " Nice shoes Sir " - - - Almost choking, he looks around and - - nobody there. ! ! He takes another swig and hears " Nice shirt Sir " - - - Almost choking, he looks around and - - nobody there. ! ! He takes another swig and hears " Nice jacket Sir " - - - Almost choking, he looks around and - - nobody there. ! ! When he goes to order a new pint, he tells the barman what's been happening. The barman says - - - - - - - - - - - - - " Oh That'll be the Complimentary Nuts Sir " ! ! ! ! ! Jim Quote
Jim Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 Bloke walks into a pub, sees a cracker, Sidles over and whispers " 14 stone Penguin " The woman looked at him completely blank and said " what ? ? ? " - - - - - - - - - The man said " Well you've got to have Something to Break the Ice " Jim Quote
Graham Nash Posted May 22, 2011 Report Posted May 22, 2011 Bloke walks into a pub, sees a cracker, Sidles over and whispers " 14 stone Penguin " The woman looked at him completely blank and said " what ? ? ? " - - - - - - - - - The man said " Well you've got to have Something to Break the Ice " Jim I think I will use that one Jim :-) Quote
Jim Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 Bloke walks into a pub, sees a cracker, Sidles over and whispers " 14 stone Penguin " The woman looked at him completely blank and said " what ? ? ? " - - - - - - - - - The man said " Well you've got to have Something to Break the Ice " Jim I think I will use that one Jim :-) Don't let the Missus catch you Graham. Quote
Jim Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 Ooops .... I forgot about her Forgot about her ? ? ? Boy are you in trouble if she see's this ! ! ! Jim Quote
petesnr Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 A man walks into a bar and notices a piece of motorway and an A road having a pint at a table. The door of the bar opened again and suddenly they dived under the table. so the man says 'What you do that for?' at which the A road said 'Look out--its a cycle path!' Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Coming soon Edited May 23, 2011 by Wedger Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 A drunk walks into a bar pulling a huge anchor chain. The bartender says, "What are you doing, dragging that huge chain into my bar?" The drunk says, "Did you ever try pushing one?" Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 Louie Armstong walks into a bar in Tibet where the high priest is the bartender. Louis says, "Hello, Dahli!" Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts". Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?" Quote
Wedger Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 John Hurt walks into a bar, with that alien emerging from his chest. The bartender asks, "What's gotten into you?" Quote
great white Posted May 23, 2011 Report Posted May 23, 2011 Well Trev they started it didn't they enough said Quote
Stuie Posted May 26, 2011 Report Posted May 26, 2011 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar accompanied by a South African, an Australian, a Japanese, a Malasian, an American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German. The barman looks them up and down and says: "I'm not serving you without a Thai." Quote
pirky Posted May 27, 2011 Report Posted May 27, 2011 Hope this wind abates soon and you can get back on the water boys !! Enough said !! Dave Quote
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