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Using a cash point


Brian
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Barclays Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new Drive-thru" cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you and remember them
PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.
 
PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car window with
cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to
its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove the afore mentioned "Marks & Spencers" Charge card and insert correct Cash Point card
11. Remove Cash Point Card
12. Re-insert Cash Point card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release hand brake.
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Looks rather like the procedure adopted by me when I tried to pay for Grahams parking at the Vitality the other night……

1..read sign

2…let the reality set in that you can’t use cash

3….or a card!

4…photograph the fuzzy square thingy

5…try to down load the justpark app

6…. Get asked for a password that I otherwise never use

7…..ring wife, does she remember it, no

8…ring son 

9….get him to go to the office and find said secrets book

10.. enter password

11.. get congratulated

12..asked for phone number..

13..and email address.

14. get asked for location code

15,..enter how many hours I want to stay

16…enter the 16 digit card code…in the dark

17.. find my glasses

18..do I want to park wu56 ….. the farm truck?

19…no

20….the wife’s car? Spooky how it knew them!

21….no

22…register a new vehicle

23..yes hurray

24..repeat item 12

25…repeat item 13

26….repeat item 14

27…get told I’m trying to download the same app twice

28..app freezes

29….gave up

 

the rest of the evening went rather well  we felt!

 

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8 hours ago, Gummage said:

Looks rather like the procedure adopted by me when I tried to pay for Grahams parking at the Vitality the other night……

1..read sign

2…let the reality set in that you can’t use cash

3….or a card!

4…photograph the fuzzy square thingy

5…try to down load the justpark app

6…. Get asked for a password that I otherwise never use

7…..ring wife, does she remember it, no

8…ring son 

9….get him to go to the office and find said secrets book

10.. enter password

11.. get congratulated

12..asked for phone number..

13..and email address.

14. get asked for location code

15,..enter how many hours I want to stay

16…enter the 16 digit card code…in the dark

17.. find my glasses

18..do I want to park wu56 ….. the farm truck?

19…no

20….the wife’s car? Spooky how it knew them!

21….no

22…register a new vehicle

23..yes hurray

24..repeat item 12

25…repeat item 13

26….repeat item 14

27…get told I’m trying to download the same app twice

28..app freezes

29….gave up

 

the rest of the evening went rather well  we felt!

 

Excellent recall it must have had a lasting effect, hope your evening went well and thanks for doing the journey much appreciated.

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19 hours ago, Brian said:
Barclays Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new Drive-thru" cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you and remember them
PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.
 
PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car window with
cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to
its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove the afore mentioned "Marks & Spencers" Charge card and insert correct Cash Point card
11. Remove Cash Point Card
12. Re-insert Cash Point card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release hand brake.

Brian you are in all sorts of trouble.

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