gjb

I have 1 or 2

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking. "Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off." said the teacher. 'Who is creditted with writing the phrase, 'To be or not to be, that is the question'?" asked the teacher. Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, 'Shakespeare'. 'Well done!' said the teacher, 'You can have Monday off." 'No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.' said Little Pham Lam Nguyen. 'Well okay,' said the teacher. The next quote is, "I had a dream!" Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out "I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!" "Well done!" said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off" "No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too." said little Fri Sum Kat. 'Okay,' said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, "F....ing Asians!" "Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone. "Donald Trump!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday ..........." ________________________________

well done Mike but sounds like a crap job on a Holiday monday

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than it bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them.They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfit These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied, 'Father, it's me, --- Sister Kathleen.'

DIVORCE vs. MURDER A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide? The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

PENSION SEX Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?' 'Oh, nothing special. I'm having pension sex.' 'Pension sex?' 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!' LOUD SEX A wife went in to see a sex therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time my husband climaxes, he lets out this big yell and a groan.' 'That is nothing unusual,' the shrink said, 'that's quite normal. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!' QUIET SEX The man came right out and asked his wife after a lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?' She said, 'You're never home!'

I can't boats at the show

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex," screamed his wife. "I'm really disappointed." "You can hardly blame me," He answered. "It's not like I was getting any sex from you.” "Well that's your fault," she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it”

just as well you are on the ball, god I dread to think good luck and safe sailing graham

Same answer as on your other thread I do Graham

i do graham

The bloke who drives it is on time and a turd

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologise and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do and I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think? She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?"

well done on the posh boat and as for 2 boats i think you are setting up for pair trawling ha ha good luck and all the best graham

​One Monday morning the postman was doing his usual mail deliveries when at one house, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. At that precise moment, Dave, the homeowner, was coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin. 'Wow Dave, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented. Dave, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. We had about 15 local couples over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?' The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?' ‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is..' The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds fun, I'm sorry I missed it.' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Dave responded, 'Your name came up 7 times.'​

Hi Mike I think you need a holiday keep up the good work Graham

Hi Mikey I have just fitted Icom MA-500 AIS and Icom M424G VHF to Foxy Fisher 111 I had the IC-506 on the last boat and very good it was too I can't tell you much about the new stuff as I have not had chance to use it yet but good luck with what you choose graham

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously "Is there a problem?" The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy" The patient is devastated and shockingly replies "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection" The surgeon pauses for a moment then says "Well, you might, but it won't be yours"

Hi Mal I don't think it's right that they are digging the dirt up on you graham

good luck with the sale, i no i had 10 years with my 640 and was sorry to see her go, but i hope you have something great to look forward to graham

Don't know if the blokes name is Rodders or if the boat is called hedghog

Dear Mr. Cameron and Mr. Osborne, Please find below our suggestion for fixing Britains economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to corporations that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 5 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them 1 million pounds each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Five million job openings -unemployment fixed 2) They MUST buy a new car. Fivemillion cars ordered -Car Industry fixed 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed 4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed 5) They MUST buy £20 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .... And there's your money back in duty/tax etc It can't get any easier than that! P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. Also.. How about putting the very elderly pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.. That way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC, a TV, radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to. The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £300.00 per week and with little hope of ever getting out. More points of contention: [Think about this...] COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Newark years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the barn? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 000s of illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. -------------------------------------------------------- Also; Think about this .. If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time grumpy old folks of Britain spoke up!

so do i

They are useing mine at the poole boat show so can't make it but look forward to the rest graham