plaicemat

I have arrived! My last post made me up to Marlin Master, my cup runneth over. This is probably the only way I'm going to get any major recognition in the angling world but I'm easily pleased. Now, where do I get a baseball cap made up with that on it? Terry.

Of course you're being optimistic, Charlie. If you weren't, you wouldn't be an angler! Terry.

If there's a decent day, I'll be up for it, Alun. Not so keen on all that travelling for flounder, though. I'll give you a call. Terry.

Keep looking, Alun, and let me know if it looks a goer. I won't need much tempting. Terry.

So, how's that Friday weather window? Here in Oxfordshire, I've just been out and put the bung in Stingray so as not to be caught unawares. I'll keep watching though, getting deperate for a dangle. Terry.

Some of you may have noticed that my crappy jokes have been missing for a while. Although this can be considered a good thing (go on, deny it), it's been very frustrating for me as my phone line has been 'down' to any digital operations since before Christmas. Only an old analogue telephone would work. Everything is now back to normal so I will spend the rest of the evening catching up on what's been occuring since about 21st December. One thing I couldn't miss, many congratulations to Alun for his well deserved breaking of the club bass record. Persistance had to pay off! If there's any fish about still, I hope to get out for a day or two soon as I have been fitting a new kitchen for what seems ages and am in deperate need of R & R. Terry.

Feeling a little better about not being able to join you now. Well done for trying though. Terry.

Believe me chaps, I'd love to go fishing, in fact I think I'm going a little stir crazy. Timing of the operation was not of my choosing. Our old friend, who supplied the kitchen at cost, suddenly phoned to say the kitchen I wanted would be delivered the following week. That sort of focusses your attention on the job in hand as it takes up a lot of space in the house. This is because the garage and large shed are still full from the on going alterations to other rooms. However, the kitchen will be fitted on Monday/Tuesday and the plumber/gas fitter is coming Wednesday to connect everything up so the pressure is off a bit and I should be able to get away, if only for a day. Any offers welcomed! Terry.

O/k, you didn't like the office party one. Well, try this then Count every " F " in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... How many? Bet you're wrong. There are 6, go back and check. > > > > > > > > > Apparently, the human brain can't recognise the word 'of'! Be honest, how many did you get the first time. Terry.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 4th November 2004 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over

Sooo tempted! Unfortunately the new kitchen arrived this weekend and there is still prep work to do before I can install it; lots of new toys! Mrs. Plaicemat has 'suggested' that it would be good if it could be finished before I go fishing so we know Christmas is o/k. Yes Dear. Terry.

Hoorah! I've selected something that others agree might be o/k. Thanks for that input, Duncan, it's now added to the Santa list. Terry.

I see that there is a new waterproof digital camera on the market, the Olympus Tough. 7.1 megapixels, face detection, 2.5" LCD, 3 x optic zoom, waterproof to 3m and shockprook from 1.5m. I saw it on THIS SITE for

At least with this cruddy weather I don't begrudge the time given to fitting a new kitchen, complete with new sockets, etc and re-plastering. Hope I finish before the weather improves as it's got to be all finished for Christmas (or so I'm told!) Terry.

I refer the honourable Gentlemen to the previous post on drugs! Terry.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband

I think we've all seen the evidence of when Jack and Mike are on something a little stronger than valium or beta blockers! Terry.

Done. Terry.

So, to keep getting pink slips to go fishing, all you've got to do is ensure a continuous supply of cod. No pressure then! Terry.

The Wedding Test I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me,and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. Terry.

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds a homework task, which was to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the children returned to class and, one by one, began to tell their stories. Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying chickens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Emilie raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too" but we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched". "That was a fine story Emilie". "Mick, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, Miss. My dad told me this story about my Aunt Sharon. Aunt Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay out of the ******* way when Aunt Sharon's been on the piss."

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That 's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Thank you all very much for taking the time to post your birthday gretings; I'm very happy to be celebrating my 61st birthday, It's a lot better than the alternative! Les, I've demanded a cake just like that for next year. Just checked out all the weather sites for Friday and it's looking GOOD. If I can just catch a cod it will put the icing on my birthday cake. Terry.

Proper job, young 'un! Frying tonight? Now, I expect a PM to tell me where to go on Friday! Terry.

Thanks for the kind thought, Alun, and good luck for today. I'm hoping to get out Friday so find a good spot for me. Now, which is going to be best, out on the water fishing or laying a tile floor which is the reality. Where did I go wrong? Terry.