Brian

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the second poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story? Look at Congress -- over 300 Lawyers!!!

Hi Jack Joining fee and first years subs = £36. (Then £18 per year). Probably the best £36 you'll ever spend. Why not come along to the next meeting? It's on 3rd August upstairs at Parkstone Trades and Labour Club, arrive about 7.30pm, meeting starts at 8pm. Have a look, no obligation to join. do I need licence = No does boat need a licence = No Insurance = Yes (in case you hit someone or something, Sunseekers cost a fortune to repair) do I need cb radio =No VHF (Fixed or handheld) advisable, Operators certificate and Ships licence required lights, which way round, = Only really need lights if going out in dark or fog. currents, good fishing marks = If you find out please let me know!!!

Were you at the Boat Park BBQ last Saturday? Rockley wouldn't be the same without Barney's "happy" attitude !!!!!!!!

Hi Mike Welcome to the club. Thanks for the membership form and payment. Regarding your radio licence, have a word with Mal Thomas, our Safety Officer, you'll get a special rate. I'll probably see you at Rockley, that's where I keep MegaByte.

I've emailed him suggesting crabbing by the Lifeboat Museum and getting the necessary from Poole Sea Angling Centre.

I asked him whether it was Poole or Christchurch, but he hasn't replied yet. I think it'll crabbing anyway, either Mudeford Quay or Poole Quay by Fisherman's Dock. If it was winter I'd suggest Baiter.

I wasn't going to suggest the Quay or Lake Pier as they are 8 to 10 years old.

I received this via the website. I assume they're coming to Poole, not Christchurch. Hi, I am bringing our pack of 10 cubs (8-10 year olds) and 3 leaders to Christchurch for a day in Poole Harbour and wonder if you would advise where we could possibly do a taster spot of fishing for these young persons. Many thanks, Steve. I was going to suggest Baiter, any better suggestions?

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it. I don't have grey hair; I have "wisdom highlights." Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only45/50 years later

It's a 5 min job. New top ring, thermal glue, match or lighter.

That's more like it Kam. Mal said you could get one that went on the top of a cool box.

Doesn't have to be your own leg, talk a long legged blonde into having the tattoo.

What's wrong with this?

Well done Oli.

Hi Neil I've sent you a Membership Enquiry Reply Pack by pm. It wouldn't let me attach the Membership Form as it's a Word file, so I'll email that as soon as I have your address, or you can download it from the Home page. Regards Brian Form sent.

Mick There's some info under "Boat Talk", 'Ready to Go'.

The clues are there

As I said. You put the extra 0 after. So N50.40.87 W01.47.91 Becomes N50 40.870. W01 47.910 N50 = 50 degrees 40 = 40 minutes .87 is decimal minutes So 40.87 is the same as 40.870 E.g.. 1/2 = .5 = .50 = .500 = .50000000

Can't have 241 minutes. Must be less than 60.

In reality it's been rounded to 2 decimal places. So could be anywhere between .446 and .454

If it's .45 the 0 goes after. ie. .450

Hi I've received a Family Membership payment from Hayley Bush. I've sent a "New Member Welcome Pack" and "Membership Form" but heard nothing since, so don't know if they have received my email. If this is you, your partner or someone you know, please contact me, either here, by phone or email. Regards Brian (Treasurer/Membership Secretary) 07763 779089 [email protected]

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £10.50/min (charges may vary depending on your Provider). My wife and I both had words, but I didn't get to use mine. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Wife to husband: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy. Husband to wife: I didn't expect to live this long! As I grow older.... My mind doesn't just wander... Sometimes it buggers off completely. As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. Isn't it weird that in Britain our flag and culture offends so many people, yet our benefits don’t.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol ... Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup... Dead.. Fourth worm in good clean soil... Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said... "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service.