plaicemat

Sooo tempted! Unfortunately the new kitchen arrived this weekend and there is still prep work to do before I can install it; lots of new toys! Mrs. Plaicemat has 'suggested' that it would be good if it could be finished before I go fishing so we know Christmas is o/k. Yes Dear. Terry.

Hoorah! I've selected something that others agree might be o/k. Thanks for that input, Duncan, it's now added to the Santa list. Terry.

I see that there is a new waterproof digital camera on the market, the Olympus Tough. 7.1 megapixels, face detection, 2.5" LCD, 3 x optic zoom, waterproof to 3m and shockprook from 1.5m. I saw it on THIS SITE for

At least with this cruddy weather I don't begrudge the time given to fitting a new kitchen, complete with new sockets, etc and re-plastering. Hope I finish before the weather improves as it's got to be all finished for Christmas (or so I'm told!) Terry.

I refer the honourable Gentlemen to the previous post on drugs! Terry.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband

I think we've all seen the evidence of when Jack and Mike are on something a little stronger than valium or beta blockers! Terry.

Done. Terry.

So, to keep getting pink slips to go fishing, all you've got to do is ensure a continuous supply of cod. No pressure then! Terry.

The Wedding Test I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me,and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. Terry.

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds a homework task, which was to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the children returned to class and, one by one, began to tell their stories. Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying chickens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Emilie raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too" but we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched". "That was a fine story Emilie". "Mick, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, Miss. My dad told me this story about my Aunt Sharon. Aunt Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay out of the ******* way when Aunt Sharon's been on the piss."

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That 's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Thank you all very much for taking the time to post your birthday gretings; I'm very happy to be celebrating my 61st birthday, It's a lot better than the alternative! Les, I've demanded a cake just like that for next year. Just checked out all the weather sites for Friday and it's looking GOOD. If I can just catch a cod it will put the icing on my birthday cake. Terry.

Proper job, young 'un! Frying tonight? Now, I expect a PM to tell me where to go on Friday! Terry.

Thanks for the kind thought, Alun, and good luck for today. I'm hoping to get out Friday so find a good spot for me. Now, which is going to be best, out on the water fishing or laying a tile floor which is the reality. Where did I go wrong? Terry.

Who's going to say it? Terry.

Jack, there's the link in the chain that's missing; Martin doesn't need the slip any more so doesn't carry a shovel to clear it. How selfish can one man get? Terry.

Especially my new 6ft Solid C rod! You're welcome, as always, Alun. The day could only have been improved with perhaps a cod and some whiting. Terry.

Get your coat, Dave. Terry.

I didn't mean to infer that mine was a personal comment directed at you, Tom, it was just a general comment to justify my inclusion of the thread. I don't do personal comments, I value friendship too much for that. Respect for the opinions of others; sometimes I learn something that way. Isn't it funny how things grow from the simplest seed sown? I suppose it's the old thing that you can call a man stupid but don't criticise his sexual prowess, driving or religion. I include fishing in the last category. Terry.

As with most things in life, Tom. But lots of folk have to justify this with what they can afford, which was why I mentioned the opener to this thread in the first place. There is always something bigger, stronger and better produced, but priorities dictate whether or not one can justify the expense on a hobby. Terry.

A good choice, Dan. My 7000BG NLDgoes with me every trip and has never let me down. I have now removed the screws and added a little locktite, for security of mind more than anything else. Terry.

A great little pot pourri of funnies. I should be able to glean some from them to pass on to my entertainment mailing list. Terry.

A mathmetician friend who should get out more has calculated the effect of 1" of rain on the Thames catchment area. Not a joke but quite interesting none the less. Catchment area = 3812 square miles or 2,439,680 acres. 1

I'd be up for Wednesday, Alun. I'll even bring Stingray for a change if you like. Can't do Thursday, daughters' birthday; wouldn't be considered a Good Thing to clear off fishing. Terry.