Graham Nash

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives. "Look," he said. "My regular customers dont ask for condoms, they'll askfor a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom wont even be used. The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350 please".. The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament. " Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her. She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. "Yes "!!!! she said " He's got one hanging there"....! The boss said "Go back in and give him

I just didnt think anyone was posting anything!!

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing, you're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman...He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.' Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.' Cabbie: Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy. Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special. Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.' Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then. Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman'. Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him? Cabbie: 'Well...I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his fu@*?ng wife."

happy lofty indeed. Well done that man :-) Happy anniversary by the way

we're all in the same club here Andy .... welcome to our great club :-)

Fantastic fishing lads.

still awake and very impressed Paul. That sounds like a great boat!

A blonde pushes her BMW into a service station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, 'What was the problem ?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor.' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?

Follow the link and put in your own postcode to be amazed! http://www.facebook.com/britishairways/app_388207294549278

its time for a new hobby then johnny. maybe you could be an england footballer?

they dont get much worse than that Johnny.

Eh??? I think THEY should be buying the drinks. They earn more than all of us put together and apart from a couple of them they really didn't perform! Heart on the night doesn't win games, it takes commitment, practice and training .... and at least one of those was missing, quite possibly all 3

yes Charlie. Put my name down.

That sounds like an AWESOME trip!! Well done, it was a great read.

we dont "book" the fast cat as its a walk on trip so no need to book. I suppose if we book a charter boat and the ferry is cancelled then it's likely that the charter boat would be cancelled too so probably a refund would be given. I am sure if we phoned the day before to ensure the charter was going then we would know that the ferry was almost certainly going to be running too. Cant see the charter boat going out in something that the ferry wouldnt travel in.

I'm assuming your daughters art project will be going in a different direction now Lofty??

A duck walks into a bar & says to the barman "got any bread ?" "sorry,we dont sell bread" "got any bread ?" "we dont sell bread" "got any bread ?" "if you ask for bread once more, Ill nail your beak to the bar " "got any nails ?" "no" "got any bread ?"

The early ferry doesnt run every day .... and the price increases with the later ferry so i suppose it partly depends on when the prices are right. Week day or weekend would be ok for me. July 20th the ferry is

Not as ambitious as trying to get 15 or 20 boats out to Alderney and back including accomodation etc. A long day maybe, but sleeping on the fast cat both ways is on my agenda :-). The weather ...... hmmmm well thats always a bit of a lottery!

I am looking at booking a charter trip in Guernsey some time late July early August. My idea is to catch the 5am fast cat from Poole (walking distance from my house ) which gets into St Peter Port at 8am. Charter boat trip for the day then maybe a meal in town (plenty of nice fish restaraunts/pubs in St Peter Port) before catching the fast cat back to Poole at about 9PM getting into Poole around midnight. I understand the fast cat at those times is around

saving a fortune on fuel but wasting a fortune on mooring fees!

There's plenty of time for Alderney Nigel ....... I hope you get Wishin Too sorted soon and without too much expense.

1) Neal Sturt 2] Charlie Chapman [weather permitting] 3) Danny Taylor [weather permitting] 4)Graham Nash (weather permitting )

Dan, I had a cracking day at the Borgney last year. Some huge pout, nice pollack, tope to 20lB and a VERY large conger.

apologies Steve Loftus [Lofty] Dan Chapman Sam Chapman Derek Vaines (Trevor Whyatt hope to make it but working late) Terry Bartell (down next week, can't do it all) Graham Nash (not looking likely here either i'm afraid)