Brian

1, Kingfisher 2, Fisheagle 3, Slice of Life 4, Awol 5. Reflections 2 6. The Grinch 7.Wishin Too 8 Freeboys 9. Yelo 10. Tiddler 11. Mistress 12. JoJo 13. MegaByte

And so the Christmas Season begins....................... Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter. "In honour of the holy season", said St Peter, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to enter". The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He lit it and said "It's a candle". You may enter said St Peter. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said "They're Bells". You may enter said St Peter. The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St Peter looked at him with raised eyebrows and asked, "And just what do these symbolize?". Paddy replied, "They're Carols".

My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They bought me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch" !! Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk

Happy Birthday Neal.

Surely someone must have caught a flounder.

Here's proof that it really exists, £2 in Tescos.

I was working out in the gym, when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in.... So I asked the trainer, standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?" The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

Maybe I'll have the day off.

A Hard Job To afford my 'lifestyle' I've been forced to seek employment... To help pay the bills! As well, in these tight economic times, you can't really be too choosy about a job opportunity... You take what's available when it's available. I never saw myself as a sales clerk helping out in women's clothing, but you take what you can get on short notice! Debenhams hired me on the spot... Had a choice of two openings... A Debenhams Greeter, or, an Assistant in the Women's Jean Dept. I just wanted to tell you myself, just in case your wives or girlfriends come in to try on jeans. Kinda enjoyed my first day on the job... Now I'm thinking about making it a full time employment!

That good eh?

It hurts just thinking about it.

No problem there, Andy paid on Friday.

It's crashed, maybe the Dorset version will be needed.

A mere kid

No Chris, I was only 10 then.

It's Gerard Hoffnung's 1958 Address to the Oxford Union. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI

We do things differently in Dorset

"You're going to need a bigger boat"

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians". One week later, the British authorities reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless." Just makes you bloody proud to be British, doesn't it!

Don't upset your wife !!!!!!

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India . The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, You have passed all the tests, except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills, unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, "You must make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green ". Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready". The manager said, 'Go ahead.' Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar". Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

Looking at the forecast for next week, I'd say the jokes are going to get worse.

My bucket got blown over !!!!!!!!!!

Not out fishing then Mike?? Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk

Happy birthday Graham. Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk