The Irishman, the Englishman & the Scotsman, sitting at a bar -
The beer was good; the view excellent -
'You know', the Scotsman says, 'I still prefer the pubs at home' - in Glasgow theres a wee bar where the landlord goes out of his way so much that for every 4 drinks you buy, he buys the fifth'
'Well' said the Englishman - at my local, the Red Lion, the barman is so courteous he will stand you your 3rd drink, after you've bought the first two'.
'Thats nothing' says Paddy, - at O'Driscoll's in Dublin, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you drinks, one after the other and when you've had enough they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid - and all on the house!'
"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen
to me sister."
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me......I've quit drinking!"
