Brian

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION#

Didn't dare come home and say I'd had the cane, or I'd get a thick ear from mum.

There's a 78ft Sunseeker Here requiring a bit more than some TLC.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience at the BIC. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several secoconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake." - - - - - - - - - - - - - An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his hand luggage. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready. " The gentleman said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. visitors always have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The old gentleman gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important) 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

Adam What can one say? Other than I can only imagine how you must feel.

Agreed, but it could be the thin end of the wedge.

See HERE It's in Scotland and fresh water at the moment, but "Yvonne Taylor, from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said the ban was a "massive first step" in the group's fight for one in the rest of Britain". How long before they try to ban live bait for sea angling? Where will it end, will the ragworm have to be dead before you put it on the hook, or can we claim we're killing the worm by drowning?

I also recommend Stugeron, they used to be standard issue. I always took them if I was doing a transfer at sea to a submarine. If all else fails, eat Oranges, they taste as good coming up as they did going down!!!

Jack I'd go with Simon's cheesewire. If you can't find anything suitable, Stainless Mig welding wire would do, get a suitable length, fit a handle to each end and work it backwards and forwards as you pull it through.

The problem with under 16's midweek, is they're probably at school.

Signed and link forwarded to friends and relatives.

I use a piece of 1" stainless tube (from old guard rail), with a slug of lead in one end.

ooops, hadn't notced.

Just came across this on the YBW forum, thought it might be of interest to those of you who have a 3500 or 3600. New updates for the 3500 (Ver 1.8.0) & 3600 (Ver 1.5.0) release date 29/12/2006. are available HERE Happy New Year Brian

I asked on the Coastguard stand at Southampton Boat Show, they told me to phone Portland Coastguard and they will collect them.

The father of a chap at work bought a nice Ocqeteau Sports Fisher, very low hours with inboard diesel from a broker in France. They lent him a trailer so he could bring it home on the ferry, he just put the trailer on the ferry when he finished and they collected it the other side. Total including 3 return trips about 70% of the cost in the uk.

Wedger That's the trouble, weather's so bad I've got too much time on my hands!! Not that the difference would have any effect on which rod ring to buy, they're not sized that accurately.

Unless they've changed it since I was at school, Kam's correct. 3.141592654...................etc.

Just to wish everyone all the best for Sunday, hope you have a great day.

Fished Wareham Channel today, my crew got 1 flounder (1lb) I blanked.

Proof that Global Warming started in the 18th century!!!!

This might help

Gordon Did you get out on Tuesday? Called you on the radio a couple of times but nothing heard. We fished the Swash but had no success, other a few undersize Bass, small Black Bream and a Gurnard. Didn't get out Wednesday, spent the morning doing a bit of maintainence on the boat. Brian

Gordon Yes I'm "Figment", leaving Wareham about 09:00 so out through the Haven at about 10:15. You'll probably have caught everything before I get started. Regards, Brian