Brian

Be CAREFUL This is for all of you 70 + year-olds, and those of us closing in on the "Golden Years". This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area. An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast. When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts. I am sending this to my children so that they don’t sell the house before they know all the facts.

Rugby tickets England v Ireland March 17 St Patrick’s Day Twickenham This may be of interest to one of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Ireland 17th Mar. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at Marylebone Registry Office, at 4.30pm. The bride's name is Nicole -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.†The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the exhaust !

Dear President Putin Save yourself billions of roubles, don't bother developing super-cruise missiles, send us two days of your winter weather and about 3" of snow, ............. it has much the same effect and paralyses the UK

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday guys.

SOLD

A friend is selling an upright freezer if anyone is interested. £50 or sensible offer.

Happy Birthday

Thank You.

Thanks everyone

Thanks. Counting backwards now. 😎

Submarine trials.

I think you might be right. I'm very happy with the Warrior.

Are you still selling ORCA II ?

I used to carry one of those, when I went to Scotland on trials.

I'll buy her a woolly hat.

All on hold at the moment, might stick with MegaByte.

I'm in the hospital.........please hold my mail Hold my mail until further notice, as I am in hospital. I was badly attacked by a woman in an elevator. A witness got her photo. See below. I was in the elevator when she got in. I was casually staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1." So I did ... and I don't remember much afterwards. May be out of the hospital in a few days. --

A boat I had my eye on has been sold.

Thanks for your answers, I was going to take him to the bank. Change of plan, so it's not for sale at the moment.