Brian

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And then the fight started... I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station. And then the fight started... After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too. And then the fight started... My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". So I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first cheque on Friday. Damn, but this is a great country.

Dear Lord I know that I haven't talked to You as much as I should have, but this past year You have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favourite actress, Farah Fawcett, my favourite musician, Michael Jackson, and my favourite cricketer, Alec Bedser. I just wanted to let You know Lord, that my favourite Prime Minister is Gordon Brown Amen

Dear Iceland WE said send the CASH you owe us!!!

Happy Birrthday Jim

BIRTHDAY REMINDER This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turns 44. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they?

Mark What rpm does it idle at? If it's too low, the extra load will cause it to stall. I don't know about the Mariner, but engines I've had need the idle speed set afloat and in gear.

Sounds like a dirty jet, has the motor been standing for a long time?

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books............. 'Titanic' & 'My Life' by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic:. ... cost - $29.99 Clinton : ..... cost - $29.99 Titanic: ..... Over 3 hours to read Clinton :. .... Over 3 hours to read Titanic: ...... The story of Jack and Rose , their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton : ..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: ..... Jack is a starving artist. Clinton : ...... Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: .... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton : ...... Ditto for Bill. Titanic: ..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton : ...... Ditto for Monica. Titanic: ..... Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton : ....... Let's not go there. Titanic: ..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery. Clinton : ... Monica is forced to return her gifts. Titanic: ..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton : ..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack____. Titanic: ..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton :. .... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: ..... Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton : ..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

Crikey Jim put your pants back on!!

That'll be the Councils way of preventing people who work in Poole using it as cheap parking (

Have a word with Jim (Small Fry).

I've got twin batteries on mine, 1 for the lights and electronics the other for the engine. Instead of using an "Off-1-Both-2", I fitted a VSR, makes it automatic. Purchased the switch from Merlin Equipment at Cabot Lane (just down the road from you). As the boat lives on a trailer at home, I decided not to fit isolating switches.

I didn't have them fitted to my Warrior as I felt they were a waste of money. I couldn't see any reason to ever go onto the foredeck.

Ben Have you seen this thread by Adam? Live Bait Installation

Gary I've only ever had to wait for one boat. But I usually go out weekdays, launching at 09:30 and back in about 15:30.

I seem to remember reading somewhere (possibly on this forum), that I you phone the council they'll come and clear the sand.

Welcome Dave. As already said, everyone is very helpfull. Look forward to meeting you soon.

BAFTA = Bass And Flounder Trophies, Alun???

I enjoyed that. Another trophy for Alun?? BAFTA

The thread's been moved, it was in "Jokes".

Me too.

Ben What safety equipment have you got? The Boat Jumble would be a good place to pick up bits and pieces and as Neal says, meet a few members.

Hi Ben Nice boat, quite a few members launch at Baiter, I tried it and didn't like having to wade everytime, so I now launch at Cobbs Quay, although it's quite expensive.

We're in a bit of a quiet spell at the moment, but things should start to pick up shortly. Where will you be launching?