Brian

This is a genuine WD-40 advert from 1964.

Called to see a mate this morning, he was rubbing black shoe polish into his groin. I told him he needed new batteries in his hearing aid. The chap on the radio said "Turn your Clock Back".!!!!

Nearly titled it Tiddler.

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. 1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’. 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. (ever been to K MART?) 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end. 17. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. And my favourite - 18. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

With that many anglers per boat, there must have been a few tangles !!!!!

Sam I'm in Upton, I could collect from Greg. (Tom, Tamzin and Kate). Or pick up at next meeting.

Happy birthday Stuie

Today's riddle for seniors...Here is the situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation ? V V V V V V V Get your drunken arse off the merry-go-round and go home!

As Membership Secretary I'd be failing in my duties if I didn't suggest that you and dad join the club, I'll send you an info pack via a personal message.

Unfortunately I paid by Direct Debit.

Unfortunately I paid by Direct Debit.

Hi Rob You can make the donation through me if you like. We let the money we raise build up, then make a presentation to HOW.

I think we can kiss our money goodbye.

He could be thinking "So that's where my spare hats are".

This would make a good Caption Comp.

Hi Ron I emailed Martin about upgrading you to club member, but it appears he's away on holiday.

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/13786412.Yacht_pulled_to_safety_after_getting_pinned_against_Poole_Bridge/ I wonder if they made it to Cowes Saturday. Looks like the same yacht as I saw aground between East Looe channel and Sandbanks Beach Sunday afternoon.

Hi Ron Welcome to the club.

Derek Taylor has had the so called "Microsoft" phone call, saying they've detected a problem on his computer, he always asks if they are psychic, as he hasn't got one, but intends buying one tomorrow.

Just received this, they must think I'm stupid. Pity the lawyers don't speak English. From: graeme@judges.co.uk Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2015 2:51 PM To: sales@pbsbac.co.uk Federal levy dodging accusation Hi This Monday our lawyers received final notice sent by Internal Revenue. They are found You guilty in tax avoidance that is allegedly a serious crime and consequently may bring to fines to be imposed. In the attachment please review scanned copy of the mentioned notification. Kindly review the enclosure very carefully in order to prepare objections later. Based on our legal department's the appointment with Revenue Service representatives is to be preset this month. Our consultants explicitly recommend You to prepare for this deposition since serious accusations are brought against You. Right after getting Your confirmation our lawyers will start filling necessary blanks. Linda Richards Senior Accountant

Can they do that? Had you signed anything? Sounds like breach of contract.