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But do make sure you go for the concentrated option. Terry.

I can also recommend them and they also have an element of luck built into them. 3 years ago I damaged props twice at Mudeford and decided to go for the Turning Point option. I haven't hit anything since! Or maybe I'm learning. Terry.

My Warrior needs a couple of small jobs doing and a good polish if you're feeling really withdrawn. I can deliver. Terry.

Sorry, I've been rather pre-occupied with having my sister from Florida staying for the last few weeks. She's now gone so can catch up. Terry.

You'd never catch English pilots having this kind of sense of humour. I like number 7 Too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported :- (1) On a Flight to NZ with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." (2) On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have." (3) "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft." (4) As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" (5) After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted!" (6) From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight X to Y. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." (7) "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite. (8) "Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines." (9) "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments." (10) Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite bumpy and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!" (11) Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." (12) An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United. "He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" (13) After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." (14) Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas." (15) A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - "SHIT! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" Terry.

Unfortunately it's about the time of my knee op so pretty sure I won't be lepping about around that time. Pity. Terry.

This week we celebrate a special birthday! Monica Lewinsky turned 34. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they ? ....... Terry.

I have clicked on the link for Ewens Tackle Services but it only defaults to the PBSBAC home page. Any reason? Terry.

Summer's coming so here is the answer to those trips without hotel expenses. I am selling on behalf of an Australian friend who has returned to Oz, a Mazda Bongo Camper Van. These are highly collectable and it comes complete with everything you could need. It is a diesel engined vehicle with four wheel drive, very reliable and fully serviced, including a new cam belt and two new tyres fitted in December. Year is 1996 and I would say condition is very good indeed with no damage to the interior upholstery. It has electric windows, electric blinds in the back and standard curtains elsewhere to give total privacy, also air conditioning and a separate heater in the back. It has an electric/hydraulic pop-up roof where two kids could sleep comfortably and a double bed below. It also comes with a two man tent, two single and one double blow up mattresses with an electric pump to inflate, two sleeping bags, one duvet and pillows, a two burner cooker with 3kg gas bottle and assorted pots and pans, an electric kettle with UK plug and assorted continental adaptors. I would love to keep this vehicle for myself but can't justify it. Ideal for towing the boat and sleeping for away weekends. The book price is between

Thanks, Martin. I'll get the chart out. Terry.

I'm thinking of a foray to Weymouth over the next couple of weeks. Is anyone willing to share with me the whereabouts of the mussel beds? Terry.

This one should be more obvious Terry.

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.' The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish. Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it', said Colin. The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin. The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' Again, Colin said no. Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?' Colin said, "I want the bastard who pushed me in".' Terry.

Obvious; BASS! Have a great day Dean, although you're probably already out celebrating. Terry.

A man called home to his wife and said, ' Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up ' Oh! And another thing

I'm probably talking out of my butt but I would have thought that something flat would be limited in the amount of charging about it could do. Unlike a big eel, for instance! Terry.

I had that problem and sorted it with a signal booster, bought from B&Q. I'm assuming she already has a digital style aerial. Terry.

So, was it in use or being 'transported' in the rod holder? Terry.

Well spotted! Unusual for a polititian to make such an clear and unambiguous statement like that. Very refreshing and very reassuring. Hopefully now our polititians will take this on board and that will be the last we hear of such silliness. Terry.

However..................this is not going to stop anything that is going on now as there is already legislation to stop recreational anglers from taking large numbers of fish and selling them. This has proved to be ineffective (as could be seen from a TV item regarding chinese 'poachers') and is not implemented so why would any new regulation be imposed any more vigorously? I'm not trying to be contentious, just pragmatic. It seems to be the custom these days just to keep passing legislation which it is not possible to enforce; if it is not going to be enforced then it is bad legislation. Wouldn't it be better, if impractical, to have more fishery officers enforcing the laws that are already in place? This is unlikely to happen as making laws and rules costs nothing but enforcing them does. If authority can be seen to be doing something, no matter how ineffective, they convince themselves that people think they are doing their job. Hey! We're not fooled. Terry.

Ah, I'm enlightened! Thank you. Terry.

Well, I know you lot don't care but Oxfordshire and especially West Oxfordshire appears to be cut off. A34 completely blocked, A40 and most local roads. So, on with the chains for my luncheon meeting. Terry.

I know I'm going to regret this but, who is John Terry? Terry Terry.

Many happy returns, Tom. 38 eh! Surely it's more than that? Have a good one. Terry.

That was the reason for trying, Charlie; I'd spent years having to listen to his tales of daring-do that I wanted to have my moment. He's actually RAF but on frequent secondment to the various 'special' branches. Terry.