plaicemat

I must have missed the punchline! Terry.

Obviously ebay are embarassed, the item appears to have been removed. I missed it. Terry.

Happy birthday Craig, I hope you are having a good day. 51? You must have been a cradle snatcher. I hear from my son that it is raining in Bristol so, no change there then. Terry.

..........and a picture. I'd be interested to see the changes you've made. Terry.

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' Some old men can still think fast! Terry.

Or is it the Midsomer or Jessica Fletcher syndrome? Everyone who comes into contact ends up in the pooh. Terry.

Yes, I too have launched elsewhere and all is still fine. Make sure you service your brakes before fitting as, if the shoes are lingering a bit, the heat generated will melt the plastic jets in the drum. They are very easy to fit and you won't be disappointed with the extra investment. Terry.

Provided there is space in the backplate to drill a hole for the jet and space around it for the water to spray around. Terry.

Is there no end to the vanity of youth? Terry.

Don't know where Gordon's came from, Craig, but mine came from HERE. Terry.

I'll endorse all of that, Gordon. I've had mine on two years now and check them around 6 months and service once a year. Perfick! However, I do normally launch from Wick, which helps. Terry.

Long wire everytime. Circle hooks will not present the bait as well and worms are also a bugger to get on them. A really good hook, IMHO, is the VMC Vanadium Red Worm -E7054 obtainable from UK Hooks HERE. They are slightly circled and the shank is offset but are easy to load. They tend to self set and usually in the lips; I use them for most of the smaller species like flatties, bream, etc. I commend them to the house. Terry.

Ah! Silly me. Terry.

When you say 'the list here', where exactly do you mean? Terry.

Have an excellent day, Tom, catching up fast! BTW, I haven't noticed, have you got Quest II back yet? Terry.

A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital and this conversation follows: 'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?' 'Do you know which ward she is in?' 'Yes, ward P, room 2B' 'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.' 'Hello, ward P, how can I help?' 'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?' 'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.' 'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!' 'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?' 'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you **** all in here' Terry.

Many happy returns, Martin. You're getting to an age now when you can respectably be a Grandad. More inroads into the red wine supply? Terry.

Two Interesting Years Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. The Pope died Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. The Pope died Lesson to be learned: The next time Charles gets married, somebody warn the Pope... Terry

Just to confirm, I am fishing with Martin and will be in the club comp and the open one. See you all there. Terry.

You're correct, Charlie, that's one of the reasons gas is not popular with mountain types. I've been in temperatures down to -28 and would not have been able to eat hot food for the duration. The other reason is that one is often travelling in fairly remote places in the world and a multifuel cooker gives far more opportunities to re-fuel. Mine uses Coleman white fuel, petrol, diesel and paraffin. Even a farmer in a remote situation could oblige with a top up. I suppose an alternative on the boat would be one of the old Primus pressure stoves. Placed in an old biscuit tin, they are fairly stable and easy to use. They can be picked up occassionally at boot sales; my last one cost

The Honeymoon A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make,I'm not a virgin.." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. To find out what the par is for this damn hole." Terry.

A man checked into a hotel while on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs...... well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figured, what the hell, give her a call. 'Hello,' the woman said. God, she sounded sexy. 'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one.. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?' She said, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 1 for an outside line.' It took three hours for him to get the courage to check out next morning.

It took a moment but that is pretty bad. PLEASE, PLEASE let the weather improve soon. Terry.

It took a moment but that is pretty bad. PLEASE, PLEASE let the weather improve soon. Terry.

Check the bottom of your gearbox bell housing, Charlie. It may be your main bearing seal at the back of the engine inside the bell housing. I've had a couple of these go. Terry.